Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
