"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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