i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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