Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
