How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
