Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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