3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
