If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
