I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
