bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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