she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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