I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
high people should be assigned attendants
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
