Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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