You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
