remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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