The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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