You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
