yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
