dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
