Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
