i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
