So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
