My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
