He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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