she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
