I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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