dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
