my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
