Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
God, I missed his penis.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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