I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just found a bag of teeth...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
