You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
