so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
