Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
