I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
