Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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