Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
