One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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