OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
