I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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