dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
