Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
