We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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