i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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