you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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