I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
