Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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