God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
