he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
