I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
