I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
