Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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