I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
