I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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