Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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