It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
