dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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