these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
