I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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