Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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