I hate your face
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
