I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
