Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
FUCK WHALES
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
