just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
