Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
