Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Non-Jews are for practice
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
