you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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