What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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