I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
