you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
