He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
