Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need moral support for this bender
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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