Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
