dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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