you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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