Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
