Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
