But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
