worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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