2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
