My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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