Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Randomize
