Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
