TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
