I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
