He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
