I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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